WHEN YOUR CHILDREN DESIRE TO TALK TO YOU AND SHARE THEIR PROBLEMS WITH YOU, STOP EVERYTHING AND LISTEN TO THEM. THERE IS NOTHING IMPORTANT THAN THAT...

WHEN YOUR CHILDREN DESIRE TO TALK TO YOU AND SHARE THEIR PROBLEMS WITH YOU, STOP EVERYTHING AND LISTEN TO THEM. THERE IS NOTHING IMPORTANT THAN THAT...

“Listen earnestly to anything your children want to tell you, no matter what. If you don’t listen eagerly to the little stuff when they are little, they won’t tell you the big stuff when they are big, because to them all of it has always been big stuff.”

In today's world,parenting is tough. And no matter how many books you read, or parenting workshops you attend, you’re going to make mistakes. We are imperfect parents in an imperfect world. That said, we often overcompensate in our parenting. We try to give our kids every material provision we imagine they need. We attend every sporting event, recital, and school program. We send them to the best schools, give them every opportunity we didn’t have as children, and then wonder WHY they are so unhappy. Or anxious. Or lonely. As parents, we end up confused, frustrated, and even angry that our children are struggling when we feel as though we have done everything possible to meet their every need!

When you plan a vacation, you research where you are going, set a budget, map your activities, plan meals, and pack according to weather. Think of the days and even weeks of planning that go into a week-long vacation. Listening is something that we do every day, and is a critical element of our parent-child relationships, yet we are so often under-prepared for this important relationship-building activity.

In order to listen more effectively to our children, we need to better prepare ourselves by

1. Clear away distractions. 

Whenever you child come to you talk, it’s hard to understand how our children really feel or what they are trying to tell us if we must listen them first and Turn off your devices and put them away. Text messages and e-mails will always be there, but your child’s willingness to talk to you will not.

2. Be aware of nonverbal cues. 

Are you looking at your child, face-to-face? Does your body appear relaxed, open, and ready to listen, or are you standing at the stove with your arms crossed, hoping that it won’t take too long so dinner doesn’t burn? Are you in near to each other and in a space conducive to conversation (not in the crowded hallway outside of the school gym)?

Try to understand their feelings and situation by posture of the child.

It is really important to listen your child problems once a day that give them an self-confidence to fight with it. 

3. Be aware of your current mood, and be honest. 

If you’re tired, tell your child that. 

If you had a rough day, let them know that you don’t mean to sound snappy, but you’re upset about something else. 

You can model how to safely express feelings. If you’re having one of those days, remind yourself that in this moment, there’s nothing you can do to change what happened earlier, but you can control your ability to be “present” here and now for your child.

Everyone have tough time in their life but it should not affect your relations with you child. We must tell over child how did you handle problems that you face in your life, and how can they handle there problems but tell them you will  be always their to support them. 

4. Listen with the intent to LEARN. 

Let go of your needs to self-disclose, lecture, or overreact. 

Listen to what your child is telling you. 

Ask open-ended questions: “Do you know why he treated you that way?” Paraphrase to make sure you understand: “It sounds like you were angry about that…” 

Ask questions to clarify: “So I’m a little confused. Do you not want to go to prom anymore?” Using these types of questions can help you listen with the intent to understand what your child is really trying to tell you.

Ask your child in such a way that he/she could share their personal problems with you.

Thank you 

Yaman Pahuja